Me, my bank and the car loan

I took a car loan from a well-known bank some five years ago. Like their rep came and he told me he loved me (in a nice way, dummy) gave me a pen and lead pencil set though if I remember rightly the ballpoint had dried up and a diary, which I never used and a calendar that was ugly as sin and I thought to myself what a wonderful world, what generous people. I remember thinking I have never actually seen someone use a pencil where the lead is pushed out of the casing (have you?) but how nice of them and they also gave me a car sunshade with their bank’s name in 200 point and I never used that either.

Time passed, the twigs became trees, we had several summers, nice winters, grew older, a little more white hair, another few sagging defeats against gravity and then hello there, the loan was over, four years had passed, we went out for Chinese and backslapped each other, give me high fives.

It has now been 16 months since the chop suey splash because the bank and I, we are at war. It is a kind of mini-war really but I am fighting with the courage of the gang at the Alamo, come on Santa Ana, I am not surrendering. I know I’ll lose, no one has ever beaten the bank but I won’t give in. Laugh, go ahead, laugh, they laughed at Custer, too. They are now saying I owe them 2,500 AED for a fine because of delay in payments.

I am saying I paid 48 payments in 48 months so what is this fine thing. They are saying, ah ah, sonny boy, but you paid late on several occasions.

So, I am saying, fine then why didn’t you warn me, why didn’t you have a milestone like mister car owner, you have now crossed the 500 AED mark in delayed payments or the 1,000 AED mark, why now when we have had Chinese and sweet and sour. All sour actually.

The sweet has evaporated. Not that they have taken the pen and pencil set or the defunct calendar back but they have said, you no pay, we give no letter. So I decided I know the top guys of this bank so let me call them and they will step in and fight the good fight and the sun will come out again but instead I get this ‘Dear Mr. Something the cat brought in’ letter (offishul sounding) saying I should send it in writing (the complaint) and it will be looked into, which kind of conjures up images of the Chairman, the 27 Vice Presidents all sitting around a green baize table softly sipping still water as they frown upon the contents of my letter (even if I did end it by saying have a nice day) and making momentous decisions. Instead, 10 days later, I get an email saying my complaint is being processed (Cheddar, Emanthel, maybe Brie) and the bank will revert shortly.

Banks are awesome at reverting shortly except you don’t quite know whether shortly is like 10 yards or a mile and after three reminders the last without the ‘have a nice day’ (look, everyone has a limit) I am told my case has been examined carefully (as compared to what, carelessly?????) and Number 63811 does not merit concession of any sort so no letter, first cough up.

Of course, at no stage do they even mention my beef or why they never think it necessary to keep me in the loop for four years or any of those things that were paramount when the three reps brought that pen and pencil set and told me I was a ‘valued customer’, I know they assured me of their best services at all times except this time.

So, as I said, another battle of the bank about to be lost, though I am hanging in there running out of bullets, the enemy is at the gate and I will go down fighting, with a song on my lips and that dratted pen in my hand as I pay off that two five but what if they still don’t give me the clearance letter, huh, what if they have worked out a fine on the fine…. – Khaleejtimes